Stephanie's List
by chalaess
Summary: Stephanie makes lists comparing Joe to Ranger and Tank finds them. Amusing oneshot or at any rate, I was amused while writing it Please R


Disclaimer: I own none of the characters. So sad.

And I know that there have been things like this, but I didn't copy them, I just got the idea in Aerobics one day. Probably a one-shot, unless I get mysterious inspiration. After EOT, so there may be spoilers through there. (And btw, quotes from other books aren't exact, they just refer to the conversation) The POV moves around a lot. Hope you don't mind. And they may not be in character much, but sorry. Hopefully you'll like it anyway. _Please_ R&R. I crave input.

STEPHANIE'S POV

I'm not sure why I was doing it. Really, there was no advantage, because it wasn't going to change my mind, nor would any good come of it. But still, here I was, sitting in my RangeMan cubicle, typing a list of the pros of Ranger over Joe, along with some cons, if they are directly corresponding to the pros (don't worry, I was being fair; I was also making a list of Joe's pros. So far, the list included 'Best Ass in Trenton'). I'm now stopping for lunch and, as of yet, the list contains the following:

Babe is a much better endearment/nickname thing than Cupcake.

While Joe is overprotective and chauvinistic, Ranger is a protective, yet supportive, Cuban Sex God.

"If we couldn't have sex would you still love me?" "Yes, but not as much." Need I say more? (Con: Ranger _only_ wants sex, and not a relationship)

Ranger is Batman, and, on the back cover of Batman Begins, Batman looks like a kitten (even if I'm the only one who thinks so). Kittens are cute.

Very sexy

Two words: shiny cars (Con: The endless stream of cars that he gives me is an endless stream of things I need to feel guilty about once I blow them up)

Bulgari

Always comes when I call, and is always the first to arrive when I need help

Super sexy

Doesn't hate my job

Has at least some confidence in my ability to do my job (I think)

Gave me a job when I was looking for one

Will help me get in shape if I ask (Con: Will _make_ me get in shape if I even hint that I might possibly be considering the idea of maybe getting in shape)

Fantastic in bed

Definitely not cheating on me (although Joe might not be either. Who knows?) (Con: For all I know, he's having sex with every woman in Trenton. It's not cheating for the following reason: we don't have a relationship :( )

Incredibly sexy

No underwear (Con: Very distracting)

He loves me (Con: in his own way, whatever the hell that means)

I love him (Con: see above. It's unrequited love, sorta)

Anyway, it's time for lunch.

TANK'S POV

I was due for a meeting, but I needed some papers from Bombshell's desk. I was pretty sure I could go get them and not be late, as long as she hadn't buried them under a bunch of other papers.

I hurried to her cubicle and, luckily, found the folder right away. My eye was drawn to the word "Babe" on her screen, and I laughed when I read the first comment. Personally, I agreed, and as I scanned the title of the document (Reasons why Ranger is better than Joe), I decided this would definitely be more interesting than the meeting. I was sure the content of the meeting wouldn't be anything I really needed to hear anyway. So, having decided this, I printed a copy of the list, ran to the printer and grabbed it, then put it sneakily in the folder and hurried to the meeting.

Ranger gave me a look as I came in, one which I knew was due to my lateness, but I ignored it and quickly sat down. I paid attention for the first thirty seconds, just so he couldn't accuse me of paying _no_ attention later. Then, I flipped open the folder and started reading.

The image of Ranger as a kitten made me need to quickly direct my attention to the meeting. However, the boringness of the client (who was currently explaining that they wanted us to keep him safe. No duh!) wasn't enough to completely suppress my mirth, and I chuckled. Ranger cast me a glance that managed to tell me that he found the client's obviousness humorous and at the same time that I shouldn't laugh at him. I gave a tiny nod and returned my attention to the list.

When I got to 'super sexy' I grinned. Either she wasn't re-reading this and therefore didn't notice that this was the second time she'd said he was sexy (third, if you counted the Cuban Sex God comment), or she felt the point needed to be emphasized several times. Either way, it was funny.

Her comment about Ranger's lack of underwear being distracting made me laugh out loud again. I looked up and saw that, luckily, everyone was gone. Apparantly the meeting had been very short.

"What's so funny?" Oops. I assumed too quickly. I tried to close the folder, pretty sure Ranger shouldn't see this, but he reached over my shoulder (he was standing behind me) and snatched the paper. Not good.

RANGER'S POV

I quickly read through the list. Some of it was amusing, and I could see why Tank had laughed, but some of it sucked. How did she think I didn't love her? Anyway…I definitely needed to clear some things up.

I went into Stephanie's cubicle silently. As usual, she was very unaware of her surroundings, and didn't even notice me. I looked over her shoulder and saw that she had a list open titled Why Joe is better than Ranger. I didn't like that she was making that kind of list, but was happy to see that so far, all she'd written was a comment about his ass and that her mother approved (con: will be forced to conform to Burg standards).

I tried to figure out how to address the list and announce my presence, then smiled as I got an idea. Lifting the list, I read the first item silently, then spoke, going down the list.

"I'm glad you prefer being called Babe to Cupcake. I hate hearing him call you Cupcake, if you want my opinion." Stephanie gasped and jammed the power button on her moniter, making it go blank, as she spun to face to me. "Nice to know you don't find me a overprotective or chauvinistic." I smiled a wolf smile at her now. "And even nicer to know I'm a sex god." I looked at the next item. I was pretty sure that must have been a conversation between Joe and Stephanie and I wanted to punch him for being so stupid, even if it was a joke, which it might have been. "I'm not sure what to make of the statement that Morelli wouldn't love you as much without the sex, but I _do_ want a relationship, not just sex." I grinned as I read the next item. "So, now I'm a kitten? Interesting perception, if vastly inaccurate. You're very sexy too. And don't worry about the cars; I wouldn't give them to you if I didn't mind them getting blown up." Next item: Bulgari. I just grinned.

I noticed that she had now turned back on the monitor and opened my list and was looking at the word Bulgari. Good to see she was following along. I must admit I was surprised she hadn't interrupted yet. Probably curious what I'd say about each thing. Frankly, I was too.

"Babe." I just shook my head. Alright, next comment. "Of course I always come; who else is going to have enough patience to save you every day?" I was joking, and I hoped she knew it. "Once again, you're sexy too. I admit I don't love the idea of you getting shot at and your, or rather my, cars getting blown up, but if you like your job, fine, I don't hate it." The next item made me laugh 'Has at least some confidence in my ability to do my job (I think)' "Not sure what to say about that one, Babe. You can do your job, it's just that you usually depend more on luck than ability. Giving you a job when you wanted one is no big deal." I grinned as I saw the statement about her getting in shape. "So, is this a hint that you 'might possibly be considering the idea of maybe getting in shape'? If so, I'd be more than willing to help." Fantastic in bed. This got another wolf smile. "I'm so glad you approve. Same back at you, Babe." I frowned as I read about me possibly sleeping with every woman in Trenton. "I'm not sleeping with any other women, Babe." Incredibly sexy. Hmm, wonder if she found me at all attractive? Based on four (five if you count 'fantastic in bed') references to my sex appeal, I'd say definitely not. "And, yet again, you're incredibly sexy, too, Babe." Next thing addressed was my lack of underwear. "Not really sure what to say about that."

I sighed then, and reached out, turning her chair so she faced me. I gently lifted her chin so she looked at my face.

"And now, we get to the thing on this list that I have a problem with. I love you, Babe. Completely. I wish I hadn't ever said 'in my own way', but I did. If I'd have known it would mess up our relationship so much, I'd have shut up while I was ahead."

She just stared at me silently for a long time and I have to admit that I, 'Batman', was getting nervous. Dumb, I guess, since it said right on the paper that she loved me back, but still…

STEPHANIE'S POV

I was stunned. Understatement of the year, right there. Not only was I surprised that he'd read my list, but also I was surprised by his admission.

Then I remembered that he was waiting for a response. As I looked at him, I had to smile. Despite his protestations, at this moment, he looked like a kitten. Not literally, of course, but he did look vulnerable. Very cute, if cute is a word that can be applied to him.

But here I was, wasting time. I stood up and launched myself towards him, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him for all I was worth. His arms wrapped around me and he returned the kiss and I have to amend my earlier statement. Something good had _definitely_ come from writing that list.

A/N: Well, I hope you liked it. I had a lot of fun writing it.. I'm trying to make them very much like they are in the books (only, with Ranger doing less stupid things, such as his little 'my life doesn't lend itself to relationships'). So anyway, if you see something specifically that is out of character, please tell me what it is and what's wrong with it so I can make Ranger and Stephanie more Ranger and Stephanie-ish. Danke :)


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